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July 24, 2014

Viking vs. Colts: How they scored, etc…

View from parts unknown:

Last week, in the season opener for the Vikes, it was “View from Section 123″ — the home plate press box at Mall of America Field. This week, as the Purple tangle with the Colts in Indianapolis, we are at an undisclosed location with a fabulous brand new 52-inch Samsung HDTV. Who cares if its going to be 85 degrees outside? 52-inches people!

As for parts unknown? Really? OK. To tell the truth, we’re in Rick Kupchella’s basement. (Play along, please..) He didn’t invite us, but, you know, gotta get the work done…

11:20 a.m.:

Rick: “Huh? Who let you guys in?”

Don: “Hey Rick!”

Eric: “Rick! Uh, do you, like, have a towel? I spilled some Diet Coke on your white carpet.”

Don: “Who wants to see my tattoos?”

Amy: “Don! Settle down! The game hasn’t even started.”

Don: “Hey, let’s do the time warp again.”

Rick: “Security!”

Back to the Vikings:

11:35: Adrian Peterson at Lucas Oil Stadium, via FOX Sports, “The roof is open. Time to go 2-0, baby.” We’ll buy that.

11:52: Michael Strahan predicts Adrian Peterson will rush for 100 yards today. Works for us.

11:59: Political commercials. Those will get us in a great mood…

12:00: Vikings have the ball to open the game, with Harvin out past the 20-yard-line on the return.

12:09: Toby Gerhart rumbles to a key first down on 3rd and 11 on a quick pass from Ponder.

12:12: VIKINGS 3, COLTS 0 — Blair Walsh hits a 51-yard field goal to give Vikings early lead. Kid has a good leg.

12:16: Tweet from Vikings PR guy Jon Ekstrom: “Blair Walsh hits a 51-yard FG. Back-to-back game with 50+ yd FGs. Ties #Vikings record (Fuad Reveiz).” Told ya.

12:19: Tweet from Josh Henaman: “Blair Walsh might be Jesus.” Not so sure about that. Yet.

12:22: FOX Sports commentator Brian Billick giving it to Jared Allen, saying that he shouldn’t blame replacement officials for not giving him credit for a sack last week.

12:25: Replacement refs give the Colts a 15-yard penalty for no reason. So, it all evens out.

12:26: Speaking of replacement refs. Check out this story of the replacement ref who got the boot this weekend at the New Orleans-Carolina game, because HE IS A SAINTS FAN!

12:27: COLTS 7, VIKINGS 3: Indy take the lead on a Andrew Luck to Dwayne Allen TD pass.

12:41: Despite some big plays from Harvin and AP, Vikings’ drive stalls at Colts’ 11-yard-line.

12:43: COLTS 7 , VIKINGS 6: Walsh hits 29-yarder to draw the Vikings within one.

12:47: Tweet from fervent Walsh fan PeterInMesa: “When it’s all said and done Blair Walsh will have more career points than RG3 and Luck.” Does he mean today? This season?

12:50: Jared Allen blocks a Luck pass to force a three-and-out. Vikes get a chance to take the lead.

12:58: With the Vikings driving, Ponder sacked on a 3rd and 8, loses the ball. Colts recover. Charlie Johnson missing a block getting the blame. (We are waiting for the refs to make a horrible call so we can accuse one of being a Colts fan. Not yet.)

1:00: If we see another promo for Fox’s “New Girl” sitcom, we might throw brick through brand-new 52-inch HDTV. Just sayin’…

1:04: KFAN/BMTN’s Tiny Joe Nelson finds something else to complain about, Twittering: “This #Vikings – #Colts game is bad enough the way it is … but the shadows on the field are really annoying.” We would say the Colts about to go up 14-6 is more annoying.

1:10: COLTS 10, VIKINGS 6 –  Adam Vinatieri kicks a 26-yard FG, to give Colts a four-point lead with 1:49 to go in first half.

1:16: Vikings go three and out. Poor punt by Kluwe. Great field position for Colts with 1:11 left in half. Purple fans let out  Kluwe-like obscenities, which look somewhat like this: #@#$@#$%@#$%@#$%!!!!!

1:22: COLTS 17, VIKINGS 6 — Luck hits Reggie Wayne on a 30-yard TD pass.

1:30: Halftime. Best Tweet so far, from Ryan Hatz: “Hopefully Ponder gets mad again coming out of the half..’.”

1:33: MEANWHILE, back in the Kupchella basement:

Rick: “You guys still watching this game?”

Don: “At this point, Rick, seeing what I’m seeing, it’s one of the most difficult assignments of my career.”

Eric: “I think this show “New Girl” that Fox is promoting looks OK!”

Amy: “I don’t want to point out the obvious, but…. me and Christian Ponder are tied with touchdown passes this year so far….”

1:40: Second half begins. Colts driving, approaching midfield. Vikings fans burning up Twitter-verse with epic whining. Examples legendary: From WadeDog21: “This is embarrassing….I think our High School team could give these clowns a run for their money!”

1:45: Vikings stop Colts drive, but pick up a roughing the punter penalty.

1:48: Jared Allen picks up a personal foul for a late hit. Second 15-yarder on the defense on this drive.

1:49: Have to pull the trigger. ARE THESE REFS COLTS FANS??????!!!! (Very immature, we know, but what the heck…)

1:53: On third and one, Erin Henderson stops drive with a sack on Luck.

1:54: COLTS 20, VIKINGS 6 — Indy stretches lead on 45-yard field goal from Vinatieri.

2:01: Vikings can’t get much going. TE Kyle Rudolph makes a big catch for a first down, but drops one on third and seven.

2:02: Kluwe bounces one down to Colts’ 2-yard-line. Game turnaround right here? Safety? Then a Vikings touchdown? Will it be 20-15 soon?

2:04: Fox announcer just calls the Vikings the “Saints.” We digress…

2:06: Colts..er..PACKERS…go three and out…

2:07: Christian Ballard called for a block in the back. Vikings/Saints killing themselves softly with penalties. Killing themselves softly, with these penalties. Hey! Reminds us of another song!

 2:1o: Matt Kalil now called for unneccesary roughness…

2:12: Vikings’ Loadholt called for holding, negating nifty Ponder run. Roberta Flack still playing in background..

2:14: Third quarter ends. Thank the lord.

2:15: Stat of the game, after three quarters: Total Vikings rushing yards: 88. Total Vikings penalty yards: 90.

2:20: Vikings D looks OK, forcing another three-and-out against Luck. Fox previews next weeks’ 49ers-Vikings game. That might be a long one.

2:22: Percy Harvin gets tagged for offensive pass interference. Vikings backed up to the 11-yard-line, on Minnesota’s sixth penalty of the second half.

2:30: Colts can’t do a thing on offense this half. Vikings, with 10:10 left in the game, get the ball back near midfield.

2:32: Twitterverse wonders what the over/under on Vikings penalties should on be this drive…2 or 3?

2:37: Vikings driving, but with 7:16 left…everyone on planet Earth is wondering why they’re not in no-huddle mode. No sense of urgency? Not our 1-0 Vikings!

2:40: Vikes on 4th and 4…game on line…select a pass play, which is tipped high into the Indianapolis atmosphere, and somehow ends up in Stephen Burton’s paws. Yes, this game is about luck.

2:38: COLTS 20, VIKINGS 13 — Stephen Burton catches tipped ball from Ponder for TD.

2:49: Jared Allen almost sacks Luck. Third down for Colts on this drive with 4:18 left.

2:50: Colts convert, get a fresh set of downs. Indy eating clock, but Vikings have three time outs.

2:52: Another third down for Indianapolis. Game could swing here. And…

2:53: Luck sacked at 15-yard line, thanks to Everson Griffin — a 22-yard loss. Game on?

2:54: Vikes take punt back to 45-yard-line. No time outs left, with 2:50 to go. They’ll be forced to hurry this time.

2:56: And it looks like they’ll have to do it without Percy Harvin, who is cramping up on the sidelines.

2:58: Minnesota picks up a first down at the tw0-minute warning.

3:02: The Beast, Adrian Peterson, catches a short pass from Ponder and rumbles to the 10-yard-line.

3:03: Colts get nailed for pass interference. Five-yard penalty. 39 seconds to go. First down at the five.

3:04: VIKINGS 20, COLTS 20 — Ponder hits his favorite target, TE Kyle Rudolph for the game-tying TD.

3:06: Twitterverse whining continues: “Why do we have to wait until the game is almost over to show up?”

3:08: Colts driving. 18 seconds left, and now have the ball on the Vikings’ 40-yard line. It’s a 57-yarder for Vinatieri at this point.

3:09: 13 seconds left. Luck spikes it to set up potential game-winning field goal.

3:11: COLTS 23, VIKINGS 20 — Adam Vinatieri hits from 53-yards away to give the Colts the lead with eight seconds left.

3:14: FINAL: COLTS 23, VIKINGS 20.