If Minnesota had a mustache, what kind of mustache would Minnesota have?
Luckily for us, one site decided to try to answer that question.
The real estate blog Estately picked a signature 'stache for each state, and determined Minnesota's is none other than the Swedish Chef. Yes, the Muppet known for its barely-English babbling "best represent[s] the unique qualities" of Minnesota, Estately decided.
The Chef has what the American Mustache Institute (according go its very official guide) would likely consider a "chevron"-style mustache – thick, wide, and covering the top border of the upper lip.
The site's explanation: "The Swedish Chef and Minnesota pair together like… Aweenda shmure of froog’s legs and und buuttur sooose da bork bork bork bork."
Of course this is all in fun. So here's a question: Are there other mustaches that could represent Minnesota?
The state is known for its rugged woodsiness, and even has an appropriate native mascot to represent that lifestyle in Paul Bunyan. The map seems to avoid the bushy mustache/oversized beard combo that Mr. Bunyan is often seen with, seemingly disqualifying him from the race.
That said, Bemidji's famous Paul Bunyan statue sports only a 'stache (which looks like it would qualify as the Mustache Institute's "English" style). Maybe an exception could have been made.
Then there's fellow (but quite physically opposite) Minnesota native Prince. He's been known to sport thin, sometimes barely-visible pencil mustaches. But Estately sent Prince down south and said his facial hair style best represents Louisiana.
"Prince may be from Minnesota, but his style and attitude are pure New Orleans," the site says.
Which opens the door for a new Minnesotan to grab the the title by its handlebars and become the state's representative mustache.
And if you're interested, you could test your facial hair mettle at the annual Minnesota Beard-Off Friday night.
First Avenue is hosting the event (with marketing and planning company Modern Antics behind it), which despite its name also accepts mustache submission. There are five categories: full beard, partial beard, mustache, freestyle, and lady’s beard. Then a final round to determine the 2013 Beardsman.
One slight tangent: FiveThirtyEight reported on a recent study that looked at how attractive beards can be – and how that level of attraction can change depending on the surroundings. The study found beards were viewed as more attractive when there are few of them around; and vice versa. Scruff is seemingly less attractive when lots of people sport it.
The site says it's representative of a suggested larger human trait: rarity is sexy.
So make sure there aren't a bunch of Swedish Chefs running around before you decide to grow the Minnesota mustache.