I had never watched any of the Star Wars movies – ever. When my coworkers found out, they said this was completely unacceptable and made me watch all of them. (It’s OK, I wanted to see what all the fuss was about anyway.)
Apparently there's a bit of controversy about the order. Of course, Star Wars movies can't just go 1-2-3-4 like every other franchise ever made. So we put up a Twitter poll and you guys voted I watch in release order (4-5-6, then 1-2-3 and 7) so that’s what I did.
Here are my real-time thoughts as a first-time Star Wars viewer.
Episode IV – A New Hope
1. This looks a lot like Space Balls. (Sorry, I now realize how pathetic this is. But how was I supposed to know!?)
2. So the goal in this movie is to destroy the Death Star. Which isn’t a star, it’s a ship. Like the Black Pearl, but in space.
3. We just had our first star war – the white masked robots blasted everyone and are just stepping over the bodies. R2-D2 and the gold (British?) robot can dodge everything, though.
4. Give R2-D2 some captions!
5. Little "Houdini" death eaters just killed off my favorite character (R2-D2). Are these the original minions?
6. Haha! Luke wants power converters? There’s no way he has friends.
7. There's honestly no way I would be able to tell the good and bad guys apart if it weren’t for the music changes.
8. That battle between Darth and Obi-Wan was the most underwhelming thing I've ever seen. Obi just stood there, died and evaporated.
9. Chewbacca didn’t do anything except moan and groan. He doesn't deserve to be cheered on like he's anything special. R2-D2 was the hero. He suffered battle wounds!
10. Leia definitely likes Luke better. Han is such a creep.
Overall thoughts: Luke-warm, mostly positive. It was cheesy – like any classic movie of that time. Still, I was interested and I cared. Am I a Star Wars fan now? I would not quite say that.
Episode V – The Empire Strikes Back
1. The opening text is stressful. I can’t see, read, and comprehend anything when the text is scrolling out into a galaxy far, far away.
2. And then Luke was taken away by the abominable snowman ...
3. Leia has new hair. I like the braid crown much better than the earmuffs. But it’s cold now so wouldn't the earmuffs make more sense?
4. They just love chopping off limbs in these movies.
5. Leia is such a player! Luke goes away, she macks on Han. Han goes away, she macks on Luke. #TeamLuke.
6. Yoda is weird AF.
7. "Do or do not, there is no try" -Yoda. I might live by that one, now.
8. Is Luke going to be a bad guy? Who is the second hope? We don’t know!!!
9. And now Luke lost his hand. Of course.
10. Darth is Luke's father … so he's NOT A ROBOT?!
Overall thoughts: I enjoyed this movie significantly more than the last. A lot happened. Very dramatic. Intense fight scenes. Darth is Luke’s father, which I think was implied earlier so I wasn't terribly shocked. I think that means Darth isn't a robot? Is his posse of stormtroopers robots? I’m confused.
Episode VI – Return of the Jedi
1. This whole Jabba-and-friends scene is like the Muppets gone wrong.
2. I don’t think it’s worth going back for Han. Yeah, he can drive a ship … but that’s about it. There are other ship drivers.
3. WHOA … Luke suddenly can kick ass. Luke is so much better than Han.
4. The bat Muppet ate C-3PO's eye. Lovely.
5. Yoda is 900?! What is he anyways? Is he just a man who turned green with old age?
6. OHHHHHHH Leia is Luke’s sister?! Ewwwwww … I wanted them to be together. I WAS ROOTING FOR INCEST!
7. I love how this big furry wookie is a better shot than 95 percent of stormtroopers.
8. I've warmed up to Chewie. #screwstormtroopers #getawookie
9. Well a spear-wielding teddy bear found Leia. And they just love C-3PO (at least someone does).
10. Whoa, Darth overthrew the Emperor … literally. Also, how does Luke know Darth will die without the mask? Why would Darth die without his mask, anyways? Wow Darth does not look good.
Overall thoughts: This was my favorite episode by far. Luke being Leia's sister blew my mind – mostly because I feel gross inside for rooting for them as a couple. Not that they seemed to care about their little encounters. On to the next three movies. (Which happened prior to all this?)