Teacher from Edina butters up 'The Bachelor'; will she win?

A teacher from Edina's heart will either be shattered on national television or will be filled with love if she's the woman Matt James picks during next Monday's season finale of The Bachelor. 

Following what we can only assume was a naughty night in the fantasy suite, Michelle Young received one of two roses from James during Monday night's episode on ABC. 

“I woke up feeling incredibly happy Matt is laying next to me ... something that I could get used to," said Young, who had gotten herself cleaned up after being rubbed down with butter. 

"I smell like a sugar cookie," she said as James rubbed sticks of butter all over her body. 

No joke. They rubbed what I can only assume were room temperature sticks of butter (perfect for baking, FYI) on each other, then soaked their feet in oatmeal before finishing up a strange day at the spa with a milk bath. 

Matt smelled the oatmeal and the milk, which definitely raises red flags. Nonetheless, the "authentic Pennsylvania Dutch spa" date led to Young telling James she loves him. 

“I love you, Matt," she said, exposing her entire soul only to have James say nothing in return, only licking the inside of his lips (he does this constantly) and leaning in for a kiss. 

Young told James she loves him AGAIN the next morning, with James' response this time equaling the shrill of a bone going through a wood chipper. 

“Thank you for sharing that again with me," he said. Ouch. 

What's worse is that after Young put her bleeding heart in his hands, he spent another naughty night in the fantasy suite with a different finalist (Bri, she got sent home) and then did it again with Rachael, with whom he is falling in love with. 

Anyway, we'll find out next Monday night if The Bachelor picks the teacher from Edina or the other gal. One way or another, it'll be a great chance to watch someone suffer on national TV. 

God bless the USA.