Do you have tremendous speed and the ability to catch scorching line drives in a split second? Can you hit, oh say, .265 with just a bit of power?
If so, get over to Target Field as soon as possible. The Minnesota Twins need you.
With Aaron Hicks on the disabled list, the Twins have a gaping hole at a position that was overstuffed with guys named Span and Revere just last year.
But Denard Span is a National (he helped torch the Twins this past weekend) and Revere is a Phillie, in town this week for a three-game series.
So what are the Twins going to do?
Well, for starters, they called up Oswaldo Arcia from Triple-A. But he's a corner outfielder, at best.
Clete Thomas was called up from Triple-A last week, but shows no signs of hitting as well as Arcia.
And then there's Chris Parmelee. He's been steady in right, but hasn't hit well all year.
Where is all this heading? Probably with Thomas getting the center field job for now, and Arcia or Ryan Doumit getting Parmelee's spot in right when either one isn't at DH. Why bring up Arcia if he's going to sit?
That's the conventional wisdom.
Mankato Free Press blogger Ed Thoma says why not backup catcher Chris Herrmann?
If there's another injury, Twins Daily writer Cody Christie suggests Rochester outfielder Antoan Richardson, who briefly played with a the Braves a few years ago.
For those of you screaming "Byron Buxton"! Sorry, too young. Check back in 2015.