This story begins with a fake phone call simulation that never happened. It's a product created from inside the mind of Vikings super fan Blair Anderson, who somehow convinced Bring Me The News that it was a "good idea" to give him a blog.
The scene is Mike Zimmer's ranch in rural Kentucky right after the Vikings shipped Stefon Diggs to the Buffalo Bills. Zimmer rolls out of bed at 6 a.m. with the sun rising in the east, has a lazy smile on his face as he stretches and pours himself a cup of black coffee.
Suddenly, his cellphone rings and Rick Spielman is on the line. As one of his favorite people in the world for ridding him of the Diggs drama, he answers the phone with a cheeriness in his voice.
"Mike, I may be onto something really big," Spielman says. "Diggs was a big part of our offense and I know how we can replace his production without all the Twitter baggage. What do you think about adding Odell Beckham Jr.?"
"Excuse me?" Zimmer said.
"You know, OBJ!" Spielman replies. "That guy is a beast. I had him on my fantasy team a couple of years ago and I think he'd be great here!"
This is the point where Zimmer chucks his pot of coffee against the wall and slams the "End Call" button so hard that his flip phone closes itself. That's because trading for Odell Beckham Jr. is preposterous after what the Vikings have done this season.
Let's try to recap this situation first. Diggs put up a career-high in yardage last season and still was unhappy in Minnesota. After months and months of cryptic tweets, the Vikings shipped him out so that Zimmer can run his team the way Bill Parcells would: Run the ball, control the clock, two tight ends. Grrrrr.
The Vikings' next move is to add a mercurial wide receiver and his $14 million cap hit in the process? Makes sense to you? Yeah, me either.
But yet, some dude named "Moose" in New York seems to think there's smoke to this fire.
From a pure football standpoint, I would be excited if the Vikings landed Beckham. He would be an explosive talent in a receiver room that has a 30-year old Adam Thielen and Tajae Sharpe, who was last seen as a fourth wide receiver on a team that loved to run the ball.
When your quarterback is as dependent on others as Kirk Cousins is, adding a top-flight wide receiver is always a good idea.
Throwing out his 2017 season which was cut short due to injury, Beckham has posted over 1,000 yards in the other five seasons. From 2014-16, he was especially dominant, collecting 35 touchdowns in the process. As far as a big-play threat, Beckham is the freaking man, so it makes sense.
Even Cleveland seems to be worn out of Beckham after just one season. A groin injury and Freddie Kitchens' Madden 20 play-calling may be to blame, but drama shadows Beckham wherever he goes.
This is why the possibility of the Vikings wanting to acquire him is so messed up. Diggs' cryptic tweets pale in comparison to the strategies Beckham has used to voice displeasure when losing becomes more common than winning. Do we really need to revisit Beckham, sitting alongside Lil Wayne, ripping Eli Manning for not targeting him enough in New York?
Would it be fun to see the Vikings replace Diggs with Beckham? Hell yeah. But the Vikings also have 12 draft picks in one of the most loaded wide receiver classes of all time. Would it be wiser to go get Beckham and his antics or perhaps trade up to grab Jerry Jeudy, who everyone seems to be overthinking this draft season?
Oh and there's that whole money issue. The Vikings only have $12 million in cap space right now, according to Spotrac, and Beckham's cap hit for 2020 is $14.25 million. You could be from Appleton and figure out that math doesn't work.
If anything, the Vikings would have to trade safety Anthony Harris to Cleveland to clear room for Beckham. Would you do Harris, a second-rounder and a fifth-rounder to get Beckham knowing that your entire defense is already filled with gaping holes and questions with the departure of Everson Griffen (probably), Linval Joseph, Rhodes, Trae Waynes, Mackensie Alexander, Jayron Kearse and Andrew Sendejo?
Just as I'm about to force trade Beckham onto the Vikings roster on Madden, this is something that should stay on the Xbox. Minnesota has too much riding on what they have and if Beckham isn't on his best behavior, it might completely tank whatever hopes the Vikings have in 2020.