Ask Wessel: What are your top 8 scenes from the Fast series?

Dana dishes sage advice on chili and the Baldwin bros, and settles the age old Yeti-v.s.-Sasquatch debate.
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Every Friday on GoMN.com Dana Wessel answers your questions. Music, sports, pop culture, whatever you want. Have a question? You can tweet them to @DanaWessel or email him at DWessel@Gomn.com.

Q: Where do you stand on helping friends move? Nice thing to do? Bonding experience? Or everyone's better off just hiring movers? - Aaron

It is a very nice thing to do for your friends! It is a great favor for a friend in need and a great bonding experience as your friend makes a big life transition.

That being said, if given the choice, I’d rather a friend hit me in the head with a tire iron than ask me to help them move. Moving is the worst activity on earth. I have more respect for professional movers than I do doctors, scientists and astronauts combined. I don’t know how anybody could ever do that day-in and day-out.

Does that make me a bad person? Yeah, probably. But I’d rather just chip in and help my friends pay for movers than actually help them move. The one exception I guess would be coming over to help with some small stuff. I am OK stopping by to check out the place and help move a few boxes around over some beers. But don’t ask me to help carry your mattress up a flight of stairs.

I think the last time you should be allowed to do the “Ill pay you in pizza and beer to help me move heavy-ass furniture” should be your first place out of college. After that, it is time to hire movers.

So, Aaron, my dear friend, if this was your roundabout way of asking me to help you move, the answer is no. Unless you want me to come check out the place and help move a few boxes around over some beers. Then yeah, sure.

Q: Do you have enough pull to make pogosticks cool again? - Jason

No, but that doesn’t mean I won’t die trying.

Q: Would you rather set the world record on Donkey Kong or watch the the (US Soccer) win the World Cup? - Junior

The US 'shipping the World Cup, for sure. Didn’t even really need to think about it. Breaking Wes Copeland’s Donkey Kong record of 1,218,000 would take about 100,000 hours of practice and even then there is a good chance I could never pull it off. Even if I did? Like 50 people in the world would think it is cool and my wife would have surely left me by the time I did it.

But the US winning the World Cup would bring the entire country happiness (and not to mention piss off England). Although I desperately want them to, I have accepted and come to peace with the fact that the US will probably never lift the Cup in my lifetime. So no question I would rate that ahead of a classic arcade game record.

Q: Best new wing place you have been to recently? - Matt

I had the wings from the new Bunny’s location in Northeast and their wings were phenomenal. They had a dry-rub called The Royal Wing that is making my mouth water just thinking about it.

The Handsome Hog in St Paul also has some killer wings (as well as everything else). I recommend both of them.

Q: How much pop culture (movies, music, TV) from before you were born should a person be required to consume? Have you watched/heard much from, what, the '80s? And do you think you need to? On a related note, can you believe my daughter has NEVER seen Caddyshack or Animal House??? - Phil

I am currently struggling with this very issue. I used to be one of those people who mocked my elders who would get incredulous with me because I didn’t get a reference from a movie that came out 10-years before I was born.

That, however, was before our 22-year old intern Anna joined our morning show. The other day she said she had never seen Can’t Hardly Wait and I was about ready to go cut the brakes on her car I was so upset. I am turning into the exactly what I used to hate. Getting old sucks.

Consuming every piece of media from both your generation and those before you is obviously impossible. But I think everyone should at least be well-rounded enough to have a working knowledge of what your parents and those before you dug. It annoys me when people somehow think being unknowledgeable or ignorant about anything that predated them in diapers is somehow a badge of honor. Having never seen Star Wars, dismissing Jaws because the shark looks fake, or thinking The Beatles suck doesn’t make you unique or cool. It just kinda makes you seem dumb.

So, intern Anna, you have 72-hours as of reading this to watch Can’t Hardly Wait or you’re fired. I am not joking.

And Phil, as far as your daughter having never seen Caddyshack? Well, I have contacted the authorities and given them your email address.

Q: What is the process for a Fall Out Boy to become a Fall Out Man? I'll hang up and listen. - Stu

Are you asking me to explain puberty to you, Stu? I don’t have time for that. Ask your wife.

Q: Which is worse: Sitting on an ice-cold toilet seat -OR- sitting on an unreasonably warm toilet seat? - Nick

Warm. That is just gross. That just reminds you that your buttcheeks are currently touching something that a strangers buttcheeks just touched. Nobody needs to be reminded of that.

I feel like the cold toilet seat only happens first thing in the morning when you need to start waking up anyway. Nothing like an ice-cold jolt to the buttcheeks to get you going before you’ve even had your coffee.

The only time a warm seat is OK is if it is one of those fancy heated toilet seats like they have at Amazing Thailand in Uptown. This buddy of mine will pop into Amazing Thailand for a drink, just to use their fancy toilet. Fine, that buddy is me. But how about we keep that between us, friends?

Q: I think I slept on my remote and screwed up the display on my tv. The picture won't fill up the screen anymore. How do I fix it? - Ben

Well, clearly you just have to sleep on the remote again to get it to go back the way it was. That’s just good cartoon logic.

Or, you could just be smarter than your average nine-year old and mess with the settings until it goes back to full screen.

Q: Remember when you binged an entire season of Sopranos in a sitting? I have tremendous respect for that. - Z

I do, yes. One of my most remarkable accomplishments. Oh, and for the record, this was in like 2005, way before binge-watching things was cool. I am Gosling when it comes to being a laziness trendsetter.

It was also my first realization that binge-watching is the worst way to take something in. I had to rewatch that Sopranos season a month or so later because I retained nothing. Your brain isn’t wired to watch 13 straight episodes of TV from 7pm to 8am.

Q: How would you rank the Baldwin brothers? - Scott

  1. Alec is number one and it isn’t close.
  2. The one from Bio-Dome.
  3. The other one.
  4. The goober that played the whiney firefighter in Backdraft.

Q: We had a chili contest in the office today and the winner had multiple types of meat in it. The people here are wrong & stupid. - Clarence

I am sorry you had a bad chili cook off experience, Clarence. If it makes you feel any better I wouldn’t have eaten the winner’s chili. Or any of the chili. Chili has beans in it and beans are disgusting.

Q: In honor of The Fate of the Furious, what are your top 8 Fast scenes? - Becky

OK, fair warning, this is going to be one of those long, rambling Fast answers. So if you’re one of those mutants who has never seen a Fast flick then just scroll to the next question.

8. Opening race - Fast and Furious: Tokyo Drift - OK, don’t laugh, but I had to include this one just because of how ridiculous it is. Who would have guessed back during the opening scene of Tokyo Drift back in 2006 when the kid from the movie version of Friday Night Lights was racing against the oldest son from Home Improvement that this all-but-dead series would turn into one of the biggest movie franchises of all-time? Plus, any time you can include Zachery Ty Bryan in a list, ya gotta do it.

7. Dropping cars from a cargo jet - Furious 7 - This was the scene where Dom and the gang beat gravity. One of the more ridiculous stunts in the entire series. They dropped cars from planes and parachuted to the EXACT spot on a wilderness highway they needed to be in order to chase down the bad guys. Classic.

6. “I’ll ride with you Toretto” - Fast Five - As you may remember, before the Rock’s character Hobbs became chummy with Dom and our heroes, he was trying to arrest them in Brazil. This was the first moment they teamed up. The team was looking to quit the job. It was too tough. Then Hobbs speaks up and is willing to join the criminals to take down the evil Brazilian dictator. I stood up in the theater and fist-pumped. I still get chills during this scene, even after seeing it 500 times.

5. Family dinner at 1327 - Fast and Furious 6 - This was just your standard wrap-up scene at the time when this movie came out. But now with the benefit of hindsight, it was the last time we all saw our heroes together, sharing a meal at Dom’s beloved house at 1327. This was the final scene of the Fast and Furious saga we’d see with Paul Walker alive in real life and the character Han alive in the films. There is something so beautiful now about them all toasting beverages and smiling with Roman saying grace.

4. Pulling the safe through the streets of Brazil - Fast Five - The first really big, obnoxious set piece that signaled the shift in direction of the movies. It was no longer enough to have a climactic scene where two cars raced each other. They now had to have two cars pulling a giant safe behind them (while defying every law of physics), with 200 or so Brazilian police cars chasing them. This was the scene that started the whole “OK, how can we top that in the next movie?” mentality of this franchise that has made it so much damn fun to watch.

3. First race between Brian and Dom - The Fast and the Furious - This is the scene that started the bromance that has been the foundation of the series. “You almost had me? You never had me. You never had your car.” The rest of this list never happens without this scene.

2. Taking down the airplane - Fast and Furious 6 - This is so gloriously obnoxious in the greatest possible way. They take down a GD cargo plane with cars. Yes. I love it. It is the best set piece this franchise has ever done. It will be tough to top it. I especially love all the studies published since the movie that show the runway would need to be over 26 miles long in order for this to be even somewhat feasible. Only Fast could pull this off.

1. Goodbye Paul - Furious 7 - Yeah, I had to go with the sentimental pick. There was so much speculation about what they would do about the passing of Paul Walker. How would they honor him? How would they acknowledge it? You wondered if they’d be able to pull it off. But...they nailed it. The beach, Vin’s monologue, Paul’s car driving off into the sunset, characters ever so slightly breaking the fourth wall. It is perfect. I get choked up just thinking about it. Rest in peace, blue eyed prince.

Q: Who wins? Sasquatch or Yeti? - Marcus

We win, Marcus, for getting to witness such an amazing battle.

Alright, that’ll do it for this week! Let’s all raise a tall glass of orange juice and toast to the weekend! Everybody do your best to get out there and do your part to keep the dream alive. Keep your questions coming to @DanaWessel on Twitter, in the comments section below or email them to DWessel@gomn.com.

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