Time to channel the inner Bruce Buffer.
Good day ladies and gentlemen and welcome to the final installment of the Bring Me The News predictions segment of the 2013 NFL season.
In case you are new to the event, here are the rules and regulations.
Every week of the NFL regular season, BMTN sports aficionados have predicted the outcome of Vikings games in an elimination-style, hard-hitting slugfest of prognostication.
As the season wound down, the contenders began to fall.
First it was Doug Frattallone, disqualified for overwhelming evidence of predicto-fixing and steroid use.
Then it was Editor-In-Chief Amy Hockert, sports yes-man Mike Gallagher, sports director G.R. Anderson, all eliminated based on lack of merit and performance.
Now, after a two week extended break for the three remaining heavy hitters to be at their best in this final prediction segment with company supremacy, bragging rights, and the right to send someone to the roof to see if they can fly (still not sure if that part is true) on the line, IT'S TIME!
Introducing first in this triple-threat of prediction prolificness, he is a 30-year-old Chipotle-loving, protein shake-drinking house of pain..."JUICY" JOE NELSON.
The second contestant in this three-way battle royale of look-into-the-future greatness, he is a 35-year-old information and sports director at KMHL in Marshall, Minnesota, and one of the do-it-all, grind-it-out members of the BMTN night and weekend extravaganza...AARON "THE ANIMAL" ZIEMER.
And their opponent in this trifecta of terrific thoughts and thinking, he is between the ages of 30 and 60 years old, he has a face for both TV and radio, from BMTN morning sports, ERIC "THE ENIGMATIC PENDULUM" PERKINS.
When we proceed in the center of this triumvirate of triumph, the mediator in charge of the action, will be yours truly.
To the standings going into the final prediction.
STANDINGS (last week’s scores in parentheses):
Perkins: 11 (0)
Nelson: 6 (1)
Ziemer, despite picking the Ravens-Vikings game correctly in our last prediction week, had some weird poetry in his portion of the segment, so he is rewarded with nothing.
To make things interesting, this final game is worth triple the points, meaning anything is possible going into the Dome's final game.
Here we go.
NEWCOMER AARON ZIEMER: VIKINGS 27, LIONS 20
"Is there enough magic left in the Metrodome for one final memory? Could Matt Cassel and the Vikings conjure up one final win to send the Teflon covered stadium to its final rest on a positive note? The stadium which has been the home to such heart break as the 1998 NFC Championship, also has been the home to many great memories. None of us will forget Kirby Puckett in Game 6 of the 1991 World Series. Anyone who has seen the dome empty knows the legend of the Golden Seat which was located in the left center field stands. Thousands of high school and college student athletes have their own memories, winning everything from state titles in football, to playing early season baseball games on the surface of the dome. It won't be on the level of Cris Carter's 1000th reception actually being a touchdown, or Blair Walsh booting the Vikings to an improbable upset of the Green Bay Packers to get them into the playoffs, but I think there's enough magic left in the dome for the Vikings to finish the collapse of the Motor City Kitties this year."
Ziemer is a bit sentimental, and is clearly going for the win in big time fashion with a rambling diatribe that should it be correct, would yield huge points.
Could it be the dagger?
MORNING SPORTS VOICE ERIC PERKINS: VIKINGS 28, LIONS 27
"Chase Ford on the game-winner."
A slightly different strategy from Perk. Short, sweet, to the point, with a selfie.
NIGHT SPORTS GUY JOE NELSON: VIKINGS 38, LIONS 10
"The Lions will be at the game, but they won't play like they want to save head coach Jim Schwartz's job. That paves the way for a big day for the Vikings as they blast the Lions, 38-10... but nobody cares about that. The long-awaited storming of the field will take place just before the final snap of the game, and all 700 cops and security personnel will file a report on the drunk rube they arrested."
Nelson going with a massive point differential, and should that hit, it may be enough to claw him out of the cellar and to the top of the future-thinking world.
We'll have to wait until Sunday to see who the one great football prognosticating mind is, until then, warm your heart with some Metrodome memories.
Huh, we could've sworn more things happened than that. Oh well. Metrodome: BYYEEE.